Dream a Little Dream

Gypsy Spirit - Bohemian Heart
by Theresa Wiza

Restless she wanders
No place she calls home
No place she finds comfort
She wanders She roams

Looking for "something"
She's easily bored
Flouncing, she travels
Her wanderlust scorned


By daily transactions
By bills she can't pay
By mundane activities
That keep her at bay


As thoughts of her gypsy
Who lingers and sighs
With impatience, fidgeting,
And unrealized

Dreams that appear
then tempt with a start
That beating inside
Her Bohemian Heart

(The gorgeous picture above was used with permission by Ciro Marchetti and all copyrights are held by him. You can check out more of his fabulous work by clicking here: Ciro Marchetti)

I found this lovely poem that sums me up pretty well. At least I think so. Even if it doesn't, it's just danged good. Now back to our previously scheduled programming.

I have always loved, and been daunted by, a blank page. Whether it be a crisp bit of linen stationary, a wonderfully textured sheet of watercolor paper, or a glaring white blog text box waiting to be filled, there is something exciting about a surface waiting to be filled.

In art, there are many things that happen before the first brush, or pencil stroke is laid down. You have to have some idea (usually) of what you want to convey with your creation. Then there is the choice of color, spacial relationships between objects and a host of other factors you might take into consideration.

On the other hand, there is something to be said for simply letting things flow as they will. The same goes for writing. You can plan out your presentation, make an outline, research, rehearse, etc. Or you can just start typing and let the words decide the journey's outcome as it goes. I guess that's what I'm doing here.

I've been on such an incredible journey thus far in my life, and it is difficult to figure out where to begin. At 43, I'm starting a new chapter in my life, or chapters as the case may be. I'm at the highest, and lowest points in my life at the same time. It might sound confusing but it's really quite simple when it comes down to it. I am optimistic and hopeful for the future, concerned about the present and sometimes dragged down by my past.

I am technically unemployed, but about to start and finish school for graphic design - something I started way back in 1989. I'm in the worst physical shape I've ever been in, in my life. I don't weigh the most I've ever weighed, but the health issues I now deal with make this a life or death situation. For some reason I can never wrap my mind around the reality of that statement. I live with uncontrolled type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and probably bi-polar related depression. I've been told more than once that if I don't get my health under control I'm going to die. There is no maybe about it. Yet I have sat day in and day out eating badly, refusing to exercise on any regular basis, and closing my eyes to the mess my body has become.

I aim to change that today. I want to be accountable for my actions. I want to prove to myself and others that I'm not a hopeless cause. I want to feel better, look better, and act better. It's a tall order, but someone has to do it! Let that someone be me. That is both a plea and a prayer. Did I mention I was saved a few weeks ago? I gave my life to God and have been given a new lease on life. There are things to be done, and I can't do them if I can't get up out of a chair. If I lose my legs, my sight, my life, then all is lost. I don't ever want anyone to say "What a terrible shame, what a waste of potential she was".

Inside I have always had a free spirit. I might not have acted on my impulses (thank God!) but they have always been there. Inside I run barefoot through the grass in gauzy layers of gypsy-worthy, bell laden scarves, my hair free flowing behind me and laughter wafting through the air. Inside, my heart swells with love and laughter and joy of life. Inside I'm like a butterfly flitting here and there, going from one grand adventure to the next, without ever leaving a true imprint on any place I've stopped.

I used to imagine myself living a bohemian life. I fancied myself one of those 'artsy' types you see in movies. In reality I'm pretty boring. But that's okay. Maybe someday I'll find a happy medium. In the meantime, I'm going to work on the outside. I never do things in half measure. It's all or nothing. Unfortunately most of the time the nothing side wins. I think it's high time the all part took over.

Anyhow, I suppose this meandering of the mind is typical of what you are going to find if you stop by my blog. If you've read this far, I'm impressed. If you haven't, well then you won't be reading this, will you?